The Couch: Breath In Breath Out…
This will be my inaugural post to The Couch. My place to blog about my inner most thoughts, my inner most feelings, my concepts, ideas, my study – basically in a nutshell my psyche. Whether or not these pages are read by another human being or not is not necessarily part of the ‘why’ to why I have decided to write. This for me is just a necessary release, a release which I used to have the opportunity to do daily from the age of four when I had decided to keep a diary, hidden beneath a loose floorboard, in a dark and dusty nook, in a corner of my bedroom, within the depths of my mother’s home. I had decided to have a friend and my friend was a book and a pen and my thoughts.
Why ‘The Couch’? I had often imagined therapy to be a scenario of a Freud like therapist taking notes in the background, whilst a patient lays emotionally exposed on a chaise lounge or couch spilling his or her guts so to speak. From my own personal experience therapy is somewhat like that as an outline, but the therapist is more ‘human’ and couch is in a living room, in a house, in a comfortable setting and primarily – you – the patient – feel safe to share who you are.
The impetus, the persuading factor in my decision behind creating ‘The Couch’ was initially a knee jerk reaction as an outlet for my exasperation behind the Brexit ‘happening’ and the referendum as a whole – to be honest I needed to vent. But in reality ‘The Couch’, my couch, my provided escape, my opportunity to pour out and verbalise - THIS is something that has been on my mind for many months, I just needed the catalyst or even motivation to do it. Sometimes, hell let’s be honest, a lot of the time I am utterly terrified of my own emotions and occasionally have a fear of them consuming me. This is a fleeting feeling – barely even a millisecond. However, I know that I feel this way because I am just overwhelmed – and the best way for me to recognise that I am overwhelmed IS to write the emotion or the feeling or thought down. Reciting from something I learned from a study plan – Organise – Communicate – Reflect….
I will I am sure at some point chat to myself or whoever is listening/reading, probably about my past when I feel it necessary – but for now I shall just chat about what is going on in the now of today.
It has been a few days now since the referendum in England to decide whether we as a country were in or out of the EU. Myself and my husband voted to remain of course because we have a young family and desire economic growth and stability not only for the country we live in but of course ourselves to provide for our family, but also for our daughters to grow up in a diverse, forward thinking, progressive environment. We all know the outcome – and in the days following the referendum I have spent much of my time plowing though Social Media site’s reading awful posts about increased racist, homophobic, xenophobic attacks and slurs. A divided country, a divided population. It has certainly been a frightening time for me and for my children. But mostly it has been a time of sadness that in these progressive times, all this hatred has come out of the woodwork, following a vote where part of the public saw this as a propaganda route to racial conflict regarding immigrants or anyone who is remotely ‘different’ to the perceived British stereotype - whatever that is nowadays!
I feel afraid now just writing this post, wondering whether people will actually read it and if they do what will they think of me, will I be a subject of hate? Ultimately the world has changed – it is not the 50s, 60s or the 70s any longer. As a species we have evolved to some degree – isn’t that we are here to do after all? I feel that everyone needs to get on board with those changes and stop trying to live in the past – respect it, recognise it, learn from it, grow through it – but please don’t let the past define who you are now.
I lived my life for 27 years under a veil of hidden thoughts and feelings. I was clouded from the reality of the world and its people but most importantly – I was hidden from myself. I did not know who I was, how I really truly felt or where I was going. To some degree – I still don’t! I was intrenched in the dogma of my past and believed that somehow it defined who I was as a person. I am trying to forge ahead through the FEAR of change and the unexplored. To face the unknown and pursue a better life for myself and for my family. I suppose you could say that I have hope. You could say that I feel that in the end, everything will be okay, and I suppose that is the prevailing voice in my head – thankfully telling me at the end of every day that there is a reason and a purpose and I am part of that reason and purpose….
ABOUT MISS BOOTY BAREFOOT
Natasha (a.k.a Miss Booty Barefoot) is a Cambridge-based Vintage Boutique owner, style maven and all out fashion lover. She is currently studying towards her Degree in Psychology, whilst also being an active vintage fashion blogger, occasional street style photographer and vintage magazine curator. Being an undergraduate, a busy mother of two small children, devoted wife & Vintage Boutique owner certainly takes up most of her time – unbelievably Natasha still finds time to smell the roses, listen to music and love life to the max. There are 24 hrs in a day, and 7 day’s in a week, so she try’s to squeeze as much out of her life as she possibly can.
You can find her at Facebook @barefootvintage.co.uk and Instagram @missbootybarefoot.
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